Today, I will tell you my story about how I realized and finalized :-) the 'Woman Inside Of Me'.
Hopefully I am able to ignite a spark in order for you to discover Your Woman Inside Of You, too.
After the break from my husband I took a good look at myself. I took inventory of all the life experiences, skills, talents, passions, wishes and desires I now have and the ones that I once had, thinking as far back as I could remember!
Then I asked myself a question.
"What does it mean to be born into this world with female qualities?"
What does it mean to you, dear Ladies?
The simple answer to this question is this.
It is what ever each and everyone of us has learned from our parents, teachers, mentors, ancestors and peers while growing up. It is information deeply ingrained into our minds of what society expects from us as women, so it seems. But that's just half of our personality. The truth is that every human being is given the power to master ones own mind. Only if we believe other people's thoughts about us do we empower them to mold us into what they see in us, too.
How about what you think about yourself?
How do you feel? Is it true what THEY think?
It can only be true, if you believe it.
We are each given a life which is our business to take care of.
The choice is yours alone!
There is a reason why it says "Mind your own business" :-)
The better we mind (mend) our own business the better we are able to empower ourselves through self awareness in each and every present moment of our life.
Now, I need you to become very clear in which ways you personally agree, or disagree to the adopted thought-beliefs and the many different truths of others, and in which ways your opinions and beliefs differ.
Take out a note pad/book and a pen and write down the 5 top beliefs that you have been 'taught' (have been advised to believe) as a little girl what a perfect image of a woman has to look like!!!
How does she behave? What is her common purpose by public opinion? What's the frame that she is supposed to fit in?
Leave some space in between the lines, so you can add your comments.
Then under each one, honestly write down how these beliefs make you feel, and what You really think about them.
Start by marking all of them with either
"I agree", "not sure", or "I disagree",
and then continue to write down your very personal, individual and authentic belief to each and every one of them!
Once you are clear about what 'The Woman In You' thinks and feels about other people's beliefs about you, and what you thought to be true so far, about how and who you should be, you truly have something to work with and to bring about change for You.
Much becomes clear, I promise :-)
I want you to sit down and replace these beliefs with your own.
(It only works if you are really, really honest with yourself - no matter what anyone else thinks - they won't get to see your private information anyway, as this is just for you!!!) Remember that ;-)
I went through 3 stages.
First I saw myself as the little girl that I used to be, and I replaced my image in parts where I felt that I wanted to be different from who I was.
In my imagination I was my enhanced self, which meant that I imagined of having actually being able to share my talents as a gymnast nation-wide, while possibly having pursued a 'child-stunt-woman' career), which my parents wouldn't let me pursue, because they thought that working for the film industry at that early of an age would hinder me to obtain an academic education and then being able to create a secure income for myself.
The irony of its failure to live up to the ready-made-frame for me from my parents, of course, has still shown-up in my life.
Stage number two,
is the stage where I started to become this little teenage rebel, which most parents are dreading so very much :-)
If I could turn back time, I would have paid more attention in school rather than filling up my days dreaming about that One And Only Special Guy!
I fixed these thoughts, too (in present via understanding myself completely) since I realized that it possibly didn't just derive from my physical changes due to the kicking-in of my female hormones while dealing with the adolescent age, but also because it was officially accepted by society for a woman to make future plans to become a wife and mother, where a career as a singer, actress, stunt-woman, artist and public persona, and maybe a female business owner wasn't much promoted, since parents are also conditioned by their parents to believe that the most honorable way for a woman 'to be a woman' is to get a good paying 'but regular job', and/or to also become a wife and mother and that's that.
So this is what I did!
I became a wife twice.
The first time I had a great paying job, so wonderful that my first husband leaned on me and didn't work for 2 years, since I was able to cover all of our expenses including 2 cars and vacationing at least once a year, going out on almost all of my nights off from work, simply living a pretty good life for a married couple without kids.
All just to find out that he was cheating on me while I was working late shifts on week-end nights, then becoming violent when I confronted him with the truth etc....
I am sure many of you can imagine a scenario like this very well.
Now the second time becoming a wife, I became a mom, and it wasn't working-out again, because my husband was 'Head of the Household' which for him it meant to show me 'his control freak' and I felt that I was not able to take a deep breath without his permission.
It was pure horror for me, since he failed to give loving support and to actually get to know me fully and loving me for me, since I was now filling the role as a mother, which also meant that my mind-set had changed and I no longer felt single and 'irresponsibly sexy' :-)
In conclusion and as for stage three,
I am now a single mom of a 6 year old little girl, which means I am fending for ourselves.
As I am pondering thoughts of how I could have done things different in order to bring more security into our lives, I must say that I would have done one thing different. I definitely would have become a business owner first so to be financially independent from a man, then find a guy where I would make sure he would not only be a wonderful father, but also being present as a father for his children, no matter if him and I work out together, or not, but to at least be a father and for my taste a 'reasonable human being'.
I would make sure to protect all my assets, so I won't fall trap into what happened in my fist marriage where the guy rested on my laurels, because he thought life was good with me but to spend most of his spare time without me, including other women.
Today, I see myself happily as a single mom and business owner where my personal security is now empowered by being able to control my life within all aspects - all by myself!
The 'personality-suit' that I now wish to wear has changed because of the sum of all my life circumstances.
I realized that the 'helper syndrome' in my first marriage has been taken advantage of by my first husband, which means I lacked control of my life because I chose to give it away by feeling emotionally attached to him in such a way where it was more important to me to be loved by my him than realizing the love I could have had for myself.
In my second marriage, I gave away my financial security to a man, (after all my first husband did financially rely on me. In some odd way I first felt ok with it thinking that there came a situation that created an universal balance to my overall past life experience).
I am a mom now, so I thought, and that I am here for my baby girl and that a 'real man' doesn't mind to provide for the family, that he shares with me, since I am working 'from home' as a house-wife with no pay from out-side recourses. After all my second husband did look like a 'real man' with his muscled and toned body and his hight of 6 feet. He sure looked like he could lift a small car :-)
Little did I know about guys that might have a problem with 'being the man' rather than just looking like one.
My way of growing-up portrayed 'a real man' as a proud bred winner who knew his place as it was an absolutely normal scenario, as it was generally looked-upon as manly, right and good. Men that I knew shared with their woman and left a portion of their income for food, household items, and spending money. Both partners would sit together and discuss which portion of the income goes where.
"Boy, was I in for a surprise!" My husband worked basically to establish his own self-worth and to polish his self esteem by playing business owner, too while making himself feel better upon my 'non-working situation' as a mother. You can't believe how many times I was named 'lazy' because I didn't get paid for my occupation of all the house-hold shores, while taking care of our daughter, too. Going-out somewhere wasn't part of the program anymore either, since we barely to never had a babysitter available. The couple of times a year where I was able to make arrangements to look after our daughter by a friend (I barely know people in this city anyway) where so very rare, because of her work-schedule. So, almost all the time I was tied to the house because of 'no money' and no free-time either.
I went through hell and back with him, because he hated the fact that he was the only one bringing in money.
Logically thinking, I can only be at one place at the same time, right? If society thinks that women should work like men, then why have children in the first place? Why not all put the pants on and transform our genders into men-hood? ... I am steaming, right now .... lol ...
Most importantly, I wish to say this to you, Ladies:
'There is No Pity in wanting to be a woman, wanting to feel like a woman and to share talents and gifts women-style as they are naturally inclined because of our feminine nature, which is the desire to nurture with purpose and loving dedication".
Most of all,
IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE into That Being who we chose for ourselves To Be!
Any day is as good as another to start bringing upon change, as long as we start by thinking empowering thoughts about ourselves now and within this present moment, so we can start to feel better, and therefore make better choices to get the results that we so desire.
Get your master plan up and running, Ladies!
Pull out that note-pad and pen and map out your ending result of how this woman looks like. Who is this new woman who you wish to transform into? Most of all pay attention to how she feels!!!
You are welcome to leave your comments and questions, in order for me to get back to you and to respond to your query.
Bye for now.
. . . with much Love
Yvonne.